Q: What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
( Run for cover).
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Substantial PRICE
£6-50 a pint it works out to by my reckoning…!! Not quite that much in my local in W12 fortunately 
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There was a big explosion at a Japanese car factory today.
Locals reported it was raining Datsun cogs.
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It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub
It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house
The difference is staggering
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I asked my Chinese friend what it’s like to live in China
He replied “I can’t complain” . .
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unwanted Ikea gift?
A young Scouse woman was so depressed that she decided to launch herself into the Mersey, but just before she did a handsome young man stopped her.
“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy.”
With nothing to lose and the prospect of going to Australia, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. “What are you doing here?” asked the captain.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia.”
“I see,” the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” replied the captain. “This is the Birkenhead ferry.”
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The wee man goes to the doctors and says doc I keep thinking I’m a moth . The doctor tells him to go up the street and see the psychiatrist and the wee man says that’s where I was heading but your light was on .
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Will eventually become gender fluid 
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Snowballs included
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The only drawback to the British being the first to have access to the Covid vaccine is that if there are any strange side effects no-one will notice …
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Now that’s what I call gravity defying!
Jeez that’s makes 6.50 a pint? Good luck with your expenses lol