Who gives presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws.
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Three military pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
Saint Peter said, ‘In honour of this holy season, you must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven.’
The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It’s a candle,’ he said. Saint Peter said, ‘It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates’.
The Navy pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’ Saint Peter said, 'They had a ring to them; you may pass through the pearly gates.’
The Royal Air Force pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolise?’ He replied, ‘These are Carols.’
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As always Matt gets it right
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Don’t know what this has to do with subwoofers but I like it anyway! 
Near field speakers without much bass comes to mind rather.
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I do remember that shop.”
He replied, “Well, I’m in the HiFi shop next door.”
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Just opened a Christmas card and a load of rice fell out.
It was from Uncle Ben
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WHAT do you call a three humped female camel?
Pregnant.
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My son sent me this.
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Did you hear about the fight in a restaurant, 4 fish got batter.
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I’ll volunteer to test it out.
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Today is Mad Friday, do you remember when you could hit the town and risk being breathalysed on the way home.
Memories
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