A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town Saturday night.
One o’clock came and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the house, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.” He did as she asked, ever so slowly. “Now take off my socks.” He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. “Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. “Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked deep into his eyes and said, “If you EVER wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired”
As much as I love listening to my growing record collection, RP6, Ania MC, Rega Phono MC, SuperNait 2 and lovely Pro Ac Studio 140 Mk2’s and all the joy it brings… this is taking up too much of my time.
I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning and cooking and maintaining my home, so something has to give.
I will be getting rid of my collection.
Below is a list of what’s available. Serious inquiries only, and please don’t insult me with low offers.
Reminds me of the “Today” programme interviewing a spokesman from the Funeral Directors trade association ('bout year and half ago). The guy was giving out the sob story that “thousands” of Undertakers were going out of business, because “not enough people were dying”!
I don’t suppose that the chap would want a follow-up interview…especially if the Beeb dragged John Humphrys out of retirement!
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience…
Seeing God she asked : “Is my time up ?”
God said :
“No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth !
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded :
“God, you said I had
another 33 years to live ? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance ?”
God replied… (you’ll love this! ) …
(supposedly true)
A class of Primary School children were being shown round the local church by the Vicar. They came to the part of the church where they hang the old Military flags. One of the little boys asked the Vicar why did the Church have all the old flags. The Vicar explained they were to commemorate all those who had died in the Services.
After a few moments the boy asked “Are those the morning or the evening Services”
) …
