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Two drunks at a bar.
They see a dog licking its balls
"Blimey Harry, I wish I could do that!
Harry replies, “Well give him a biscuit and he might let you”
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Nominative determinism in action…
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Two lengths of string walk into a bar.
“Two pints of Bitter please” says one of the strings.
“Dont be ridiculous” says the barman “your a piece of string”
The strings go outside, one says to the other “tie ourselves in a knot, pull the fibres through the top and we’ll look like we’ve got heads, the barman wont notice were string”
They return to the bar
Barman says “you’re that string again!”
String replies “no I’m a frayed knot!”
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I was looking at the RHS magazine the other day and thought this was a joke but actually true. He really is the president of the Royal Horticultural Society.
“Keith Weed appointed as the new RHS President seeks to accelerate the positive impact of gardening on our lives, society and the environment”.
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@TOBYJUG @AndyP
In a previous life we ran a diagnostic veterinary laboratory and we kept a list of nominative determinism representatives
I can’t remember all of them but I do remember
Mr Sharp sold surgical instruments
Miss Box sold packaging
And the best of all and is not made up
Mr Cummins ran the National External QA Scheme for seminology (look it up!)
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In Wellington there was a psychologist a Mrs Lust who was a sex therapist.
Also a surgeon Rod Studd who is a urologist
My favourite amongst many…
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I had a similar experience when seeing these old two going at it in some street corner.
I thought to myself “They need to get a room”
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What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association.
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That’s obviously true I had to look at it twice. 
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What’s ET short for?
He’s only got little legs.
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I know a doctor named Kidney and an architect named Wrafter.
I was trying to think up a joke based on the elements. But all the good ones argon.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?
You barium
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The world would be a nicer place if everyone took a chill pill, and even better if some of them choked on it …
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Very supportive of International Women’s Day yesterday, but glad it’s over. By the end of was bl**dy starving…
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