Not a joke as such but watching a programme about renovating an L-39:Albatross jet trainer was amusing.
The lead engineer was recounting how having the manual translated from Russian to English by a non engineer does lead to some difficulties. Such as trying to figure out wtf the ‘liquid sheep’ are…
(Turns out the more accurate translation was hydraulic ram 
)
Not really a joke but I laughed…
Rather like the old English-to-Russian-to-English:
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak
becomes, on its return from the Russian;
The meat’s rotten but the booze is holding out
I liked an purported early machine translation, English - Russian - English, blind insane. The original was out of sight, out of mind.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind = Invisible Idiot
From The Beezer circa 1973 (DC Thompson children’s comic for our younger and/or overseas readers)
Used properly, you can imagine the tomatoes… And other things.
Not even a bud.
Very funny and, don’t worry, not rude… 
This is a recent account of Lawnchair Larry, when I read this I didn’t know whether to be terrified or laugh out loud. It is true, but there is a sadder story on the back of it
This is what happens when you plant bird seed
Though I have to admit that some bird seed once caused a very unfortunate encounter with gentleman and ladies from Her Majesty’s Constabulary …
Russian Babushka dolls…they’re just full of themselves.
Are people born with a photographic memory … or does it just develop?
I had the same many yonks ago, minus any intervention from the feds.
My mother was mad keen on feeding the birds, she had her feeding area set out in the garden & bird seed weeds of all sorts grew & she/we dug & pulled it up from time to time & put it into the compost heap.
Anyway, I was clearing the area … & … sniff … sniff, woa !!! holy herb. I’ll leave those to see if we can get a crop. Sadly the time of year & climate did not allow much development. Looking forward to next year, but no such luck, Mum’s bird seed was ‘hempless’
Well the teenager next door got excited when he saw it growing and "borrowed" a plant .
Then got himself arrested , by which time the wretched plants had died , through lack of watering . Ah you can hear the refrains of Gilbert and Sullivan “When the constabulary’s duty to be done , to be done”
Well they threw the book at him.
I wandered down to the market and saw the pet food supplier who supplied the seed.
Purchased another bag, which clearly showed hemp as a seed , gave a statement and the bird seed to the Defence Solicitor
Case dismissed , bird seed returned.
Anyway six months later, representatives of Her Majesty’s Thames Valley Police again raided , and took away some exotic ‘’ greenery’’ .
The teenager is now adult and a fully trained philosopher and wants to be a circus performer.
best wishes
I’ve got a photographic memory, but I ran out of film.
