What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb??
You can unscrew a lightbulb…
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Apparently there’s a great website instructing women how to go to the toilet when drunk on the way home.
Wee by any car. Com
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My neighbour died whilst preparing a nice dip for my pitta bread.
I’m now celebrating their life posthumously.
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Seems to me to be a case of cruel and unusual punishment of the penguin.
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While driving home in my golf cart, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, “Ar e you alright?” I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
“I’m okay I think.” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”“That’s nice of you,” I answered, “But I don’t think my wife will like me doing that!”
“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive and b eing sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I’m sure my wife won’t like this. "We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I’d better go now.”
Don’t be silly!" she said with a smile. “Stay for a while. She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”
“My guess is that she’s still in the ditch.”
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Gosh that came around quickly!
“Where do you want them?”
“Just scatter them across the front of the building.”
“Sure thing . . . Jeff, fetch the window placement randomizer, oh and make sure there are at least three different sizes too.”
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Let’s have a few on the roof as well, just to make sure.
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There’s someone making a bid for freedom from the first floor.
Or is it floor 1.25 maybe?
At least the front and back doors are the same.