Somehow you knew those the cricket and jokes threads
would come together
Very obscure for a classical music person, but by the power of Google……
As posted by Dom Jolly
During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”
There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation.
“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and they were able to reconstruct the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, using wire to reinforce and shape it.”
The men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably.
“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Phil.”
The entire congregation held its breath.
“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”
A long forgotten Ronnie Corbett joke that featured in a recent TV program about him:-
An attractive blonde ships stowaway was caught onboard & taken before the vessels captain.
“How long have you been onboard?” he asked her.
“Four days” she answered.
The captain then asked her “How have you survived all that time?”
“It’s all down to able seaman Smith” she replied, “He found me hiding in a lifeboat & supplied me with food in exchange for spending each night with him in his cabin.”
“Well,” the captain stated, “I must congratulate able seaman Smith on his ingenuity & power of persuasion. This is the Isle of Wight ferry!”
I don’t think that spelling of ‘swollowed’ would be acceptable in a game of Scrabble. Pedantic, I know, but just saying.
Scrabble? I thought this was a Best Jokes thread.
OK, what else have I missed? Is this whole forum actually a giant game of Buckaroo, and all the hi-fi talk just a distraction? Hang on, that might explain a lot…
Mark
Surely more of a Trivial Pursuit?
Sometimes, I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
I must admit, that I did think of having the Service Sheet for my funeral printed with something like Jesu , Joy Of Man’s Desiring - the vicar who I know telling people that I always saw life differently, then she presses the button for the coffin to go behind the curtain
At which point instead of the printed tune Jesu, Joy Of Man’s Desiring the Crematorium streamer plays “The wheels on the bus go round and round”
Sadly of course, I wouldn’t be there to see the looks on the faces
I’m in!!!
I’ll post my impressions in due course…
I remember this being in the papers:
Eddie Oakley had requested a recording of Ella Fitzgerald singing “Every
Time You Say Goodbye” at his cremation service, which took place in
Kidderminster, but the person in charge mistakenly played
“Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.”