The Yes satnav just gave me a Long Distance Runaround
I think that if the satnav had handed me a Long Distance Runaround, I’d be feeling pretty Fragile by now, especially if I’d been on the bypass Around The South Side of Dorchester. I’d certainly be in a right old Mood For A Day!
I know that bypass….It’s slow…
Not a joke, but quite scary. We are as far away from 1980 now as 1980 was to 1939.
Time for a new world war?
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;…
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
“I am a dominator!!”
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!!”
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!
It’s not by Pam Ayres but it is very clever
Using the Smokie SAT NAV just put Alice in and all I am getting is Who the F— is Alice.
According to my Otis Redding satnav I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Let’s cue up some Boyz II Men, because this has come to the end of the road.
boddum-tish!
We once had The Smiths satnav…
It had a light that never went out and always put us in front of an oncoming double decker bus.
I got the ‘ProgNav’ which spouts random directions for 25 minutes, taking you on all sorts of twists and turns, before suddenly stopping and leaving you completely lost.
G
My Supertramp satnav makes me take the long way home.
My Marillion satnav says I’m on the outskirts of nowhere, on the ring road to somewhere, on the verge of indecision and to take the roundabout way.
steve
I had to play it to check, You are so right, lovely!
Perhaps the folks who flagged my joke containing a taliban character for being “inappropriate” can explain what they find offensive about it?
Apparently they have no problems with the Tali-Bran joke a few posts up, or the one containing literal swear words?
Some feedback is appreciated!
And it was played on an “end of the pier” or “cinema” like organ, and I’m old enough to remember the organ at the Regal Cinema in Eastleigh!