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The Yes satnav just gave me a Long Distance Runaround
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I think that if the satnav had handed me a Long Distance Runaround, I’d be feeling pretty Fragile by now, especially if I’d been on the bypass Around The South Side of Dorchester. I’d certainly be in a right old Mood For A Day!
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I know that bypass….It’s slow…
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Not a joke, but quite scary. We are as far away from 1980 now as 1980 was to 1939. 
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Time for a new world war?
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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;…
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
“I am a dominator!!”
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!!”
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!
9 Likes
It’s not by Pam Ayres but it is very clever
Using the Smokie SAT NAV just put Alice in and all I am getting is Who the F— is Alice.
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According to my Otis Redding satnav I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay
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Let’s cue up some Boyz II Men, because this has come to the end of the road.
boddum-tish!
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We once had The Smiths satnav…
It had a light that never went out and always put us in front of an oncoming double decker bus.
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I got the ‘ProgNav’ which spouts random directions for 25 minutes, taking you on all sorts of twists and turns, before suddenly stopping and leaving you completely lost.
G
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My Supertramp satnav makes me take the long way home.
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My Marillion satnav says I’m on the outskirts of nowhere, on the ring road to somewhere, on the verge of indecision and to take the roundabout way.
steve
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I had to play it to check, You are so right, lovely!
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Perhaps the folks who flagged my joke containing a taliban character for being “inappropriate” can explain what they find offensive about it?
Apparently they have no problems with the Tali-Bran joke a few posts up, or the one containing literal swear words?
Some feedback is appreciated!
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And it was played on an “end of the pier” or “cinema” like organ, and I’m old enough to remember the organ at the Regal Cinema in Eastleigh!
1 Like