A preview of ‘things’ to come…
“Hello! Gordon’s Pizza?”
“No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza”
“Sorry, I must have a wrong number”
“No sir, Google bought the pizza shop”
“OK. Here’s my order…”
"No problem sir, you want the usual?”
“The usual? How would you know? …you’re under new management…”
“According to our caller ID, on the last 12 occasions you ordered pizza with cheese, Sausage, thick crust…”
“Right…”
“…May I suggest this time you have ricotta, aragula and dried tomato?”
“No, I hate vegetables”
“But what about your high cholesterol?”
“My high cholesterol? How would you know?”
“Through the Subscribers Guide. We have the results of your blood
tests for the last 7 years”
“I don’t care, I already take medicine. Give me my usual”
“But you haven’t been taking your medicine. You last purchased a box of 30 and that was 4 months ago at Drugsale Network”
“I bought more from another drugstore”
“It’s not showing on your credit card…”
“I paid in cash”
“But you didn’t withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement”
I have another source of cash”
“It’s not showing on your last Tax Return, unless you got it from an undeclared income source…”
“Go to HELL! No more Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp or bloody pizza! I’m going to a deserted island with no Internet, no cell phones and no one to spy on me!”
“I understand sir, but you will need to renew your passport, your old one expired 5 weeks ago…”
OMG! when you understand the concept of ‘Big Data’, that’s just FAR TOO accurate (apart from the user wouldn’t be told the source of the raw information as often it’s from compound sources and only obtained by slicing the cube).
I’m not a cricket fan but a recent discussion with a friend who is, reminded me of this joke I first heard sometime in the 1990’s when England were having a torrid time in Australia against the Aussies in an Ashes series & we were badly struggling with both the bat &, especially ball.
'An Australian match commentator is interviewing Sir Don Bradman & says to him: -
“How many runs do you think you would get against this pathetic England bowling attack Sir Don?”
“Oh, about 40 to 50” Sir Don replies.
“Oh come on Sir Don. This is the weakest England bowling line up ever & you are the greatest batsman ever, with a test average of nearly 100 against some of the best bowling attacks ever. You would surely have scored well into 3 figures?”
Bradman replies “That may be so, but what you must remember is that I’m now 87years old”.
Stick that dog on a bike, and you could repurpose it as ‘Men cycling in lycra who should have stuck to shorts and T-shirt’.
Every weekend, I see a small but significant number of men of a certain age with rather large guts cycling (often slowly, knees pointing at 90 degrees to each other) in full lycra.
Ever tried cycling any distance in shorts and a T shirt? Like it not Lycra is by far the best and most sensible choice for cycling in. Just keep in mind it’s for our benefit, not yours. You don’t play chess in boxing gloves; you don’t spend the afternoon gardening in a tux.
I presume you also tut at blokes in Asda wearing football shirts, or women of a certain size squeezed into leggings.
Many years ago I went to spend the weekend at a friend’s family’s place and found his eccentric Father doing just that - gardening in what appeared to be the remains of what was once formal wear of some sort or other. A further visit some time later during the Summer found him almost buck naked cooling off in an old iron bath positioned in one of the flower beds.
