This thread is called Best jokes for a reason. Maybe leave related discussions elsewhere, and mediocre jokes in the bin.
Anyone? Please do, by all means, tell a joke…
When things aren’t very well then laughter is the best medicine.
Unless you’re diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
My mother in law cooked us a roast dinner on Sunday.
She asked me how many potatoes I’d like.
“Oh, just the one please…”, I said.
“Ooh”, she says “You don’t have to be polite”
“Oh, OK, just the one please you miserable cow”
Went to a gig last night, figured it was a tribute act.
“The Pretenders”
“Always leave them wanting more” my dad said.
Probably why he got fired from Oxfam.
Aldi France have started selling quattro stagioni pizzas.
Vive Aldi!
I just got my dream job as a cabinet maker.
The interview board were glued to their seat, I thought I’d screwed it up but in the end , I nailed it.
I once thought about doing that but I shelved the idea.
A chap emailed in to the Ken Bruce show on R2 this morning. He said that as a consequence of the Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram ‘outage’ last night, he had decided to actually speak with his family instead. But he was a bit surprised to find his other half had left a while ago.
Back to cycling…
Here is the birthday card my dear, loving wife gave me in 2016, a few months after I started cycling again at the age of 61, after last riding a bike when I was 16. Probably a ring of truth in there…
Because I spent so much on a bike & the gear I am still doing it, despite totally failing to understand why so many (including all the cyclists I know) think it’s so wonderful. I dislike almost everything about it.
On the lycra issue, I initially felt stupid wearing it (along with a helmet) but agree with some on here that it really is best for long rides & I certainly feel safer wearing a helmet.
As time has passed I have come to realise that, other than my wife, fully cycling gear is seen as normal by other people who don’t bat an eyelid at it. I therefore don’t feel self conscious at all despite accepting that lycra is possibly not the best look for a 66 year old!
A teacher had an all girls class and asked them to name something that ends in tor but also eats things.
Mary as quick as a flash said Alligator the teacher said that was excellent upon looking around she saw Jane had her hand up and asked what is your word ? Predator was the reply the teacher said another very good word.
Next up was Lucy she replied Vibrator Miss the teacher said that wouldn’t count as a Vibrator doesn’t eat anything.
Lucy said are you sure miss as I heard my mum on the phone to her friend this morning and she said her Vibrator eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow?
Here’s an oldie, but still good…
Stiff neck?
The Facebook outage was so bad that I had to go to knock on my neighbour’s door to show them what I was having for dinner!
Serious question, but what is the rationale behind cyclists shaving their legs…?
Done by amateurs it’s essentially a sign of belonging to a community. The original reason pro cyclists did it was two-fold - a. to make leg massage easier and less painful, and b. to make road rash and dressings easier to cope with in the event of a crash.
I did it because
A I have horrible hairy legs
B rain runs off quickly, the nice part of that being
C my legs felt warmer as a result
D my legs tanned quicker