My cat at 3am every morning 
3 Likes
Sacha and Irena always wanted a new Lada. After many, many years of saving they finally had enough Roubles to buy one and went down to the Lada Showroom with the cash, mandatory car maintenance certificate and letter from local Communist Party confirming that they were good citizens and worthy of this concession.
The salesman checked all the paperwork and counted the money then entered the details in his sales ledger.
Salesman: “So all good comrades. Now you come back here ten years from today to collect your new Lada”.
Sacha: Morning or afternoon?
Salesman: Throwing arms up in astonishment. “Comrade, it’s 10 years from now. What does it matter?
Sacha: “mmm. Plumber coming in morning”.
16 Likes
I hope they ordered the optional heated rear 'screen too?
…more useful as a handwarmer given the need to push it so often.
2 Likes
“Hi - have you got a windscreen wiper for my Lada”
“Yes - that sounds like a fair swap”
4 Likes
The real reason Ladas never had twin tail-pipes is so they couldn’t be mistaken for wheelbarrows.
…also recognising a wheelbarrow, even a plastic one, is far more environmentally friendly.
3 Likes
That’s the triathlete’s route 
1. cycle
2. swim
3. run home because your bicycle has sank to the bottom of the canal
12 Likes
.pɹɐoqʎǝʞ dɐǝɥɔ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥT
19 Likes
As used by Men At Work ?
2 Likes
I dunno, maybe I’m weird, but I find this joke is funny:
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks: “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”
He said: “They had avocados.”
39 Likes
It Is indeed… 
1 Like
I saw Michael J Fox at a garden centre yesterday.
At least I think it was him, as I only saw his back amongst the fuchsias.
9 Likes
I thought he had his back to the fuchsias?
7 Likes
If that’s a roundabout it’s going round the wrong way
That certainly makes the joke work correctly.
2 Likes
How much does it cost for a pirate to have his ears pierced?
A buck an ear
9 Likes
