Autopsy Club Party Here This Saturday! Open Mike Night!
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oldie but great:
I’m on an alcohol only diet - lost 3 weeks already
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For a brief moment I thought I had accidentally opened the motorhomes and caravans thread 
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Just dropped into the car dealer in town, found a sales guy and said “Can I talk to you about the Volvo V40 in your showroom window?” He says “we’re an Audi dealer mate, we don’t have a V40 in the window.” “Yeah, well you have now” I said.
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Were you wearing a hat?
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Crash helmet. The wife recommends it, as did our kids, my best mate and also most of my siblings. They must think I’m a great driver, up there with Lewis Hamilton.
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“We are very proud to have this displayed above the front door.”
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What a great plaque .
It is good to see the correct use of an apostrophe.
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Forgive me but my first thought was that’s John Atkinson of Stereophile.
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Plato said Socrates said this…
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Plato, they say, could stick it away;
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he’s pissed!
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Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
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There was a young man from Kent,
Who’s … oh, forget it …
Old boy farmer lives on his remote farm with his wife & three daughters. One night there’s a knock on the door, he opens it to see a hopeful young man.
“The name’s Joe, I’ve come for Flo, we’re going to a show.”
“Wait there a minute” says the farmer and goes off to fetch his eldest.
10 minutes later another knock.
“The name’s Vance, I’ve come for Nance, we’re going to a dance.”
“Wait there” says the farmer.
A bit later, another knock.
“The name’s Tucker…”
“Eeeh lad, come on in, but keep the noise down if you could.”
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