Best jokes

You forgot everything they think…

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I’m not fascist: I allow everyone to think whatever they want (just not necessarily to act on it!).

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
A. Einstein.

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What’s the Queen’s pawn doing in the Queen’s square? (Don’t tell the King!)

Being the sacrifice while the King & Queen run away!

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How did you know?

G

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Who he?

steve

Chuck Norris

Great at martial arts but the acting ability of a plank!

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That is a bit harsh, I’ve seen some planks give a good performance now and then.

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Ha Ha!

Yes - the plank that co-starred with Tommy Cooper, Eric Sykes and Jimmy Edwards did, I thought, portray the part well in The Plank.

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Just brilliant. :rofl::rofl::rofl:

It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game.

Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Well, we’re having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it’s important but it’s only Scotland. They’re sh**t and we can’t be bothered”.

Kane looks at them and says “Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub.”

So Kane goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the English team go off for a few pints. After a few jars they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads “England 1 - Scotland 0 (Kane 10minutes)”. He is beating Scotland all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers “It must be full time now, let’s see how he got on”. They put the teletext on.

“Result from the Stadium “England 1 (Kane 10 minutes) - Scotland 1”(Angus McShagnasty 89 minutes)”.

They can’t believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them.

“I’ve let you down, I’ve let you down.”

“Don’t be daft, you got a draw against Scotland , all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end”

"No, No, I have, I’ve let you down…

I got sent off after 12 minutes"

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Kind of reminds me of this image taken after the Kentucky tornadoes a short while back.

Awful event but great album cover.

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