Borrowed from those chaps in Ciren’.
After building my freshly purchased IKEA wardrobe in the car park there, I discovered it wouldn’t fit in my car.
I think the Assembly Point is a really stupid idea.
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Was listening to a chap talking about kindness, on the radio the other day. He finished his talk by saying, ‘However kind you think you are in your life, please remember that German children will always be kinder.’
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An interesting concept?
You might not know this…but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in…but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off…it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed…but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object… Because to get them to go anywhere…you have to light a fire under their arse.
SPONGES: These are female…because they are soft…squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES: Female…because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male… Because they always use the same old lines for picking up people…
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because…over time…all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male… Because in the last 5000 years…they’ve hardly changed at all…and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male…but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it…and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push…he just keeps trying 
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Kinder are always kinder.
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I have found a way to save money at the pump. It is cheaper to buy a new pair of number plates than pay for a full tank of petrol. I’ve got three used sets if anyone wants them.
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The fine for not paying at the pump is now less than that of a full tank. And on top of that you’re allowed to pay in instalments…
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I got some fuel earlier and the guy at pump 3 put £10 worth in. Where is he driving to? Pump 4?
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… keeps the dentist in pay!
Actually, that is exactly what I used to say here. The original one is … keeps the doctor away, but since my wife is doc, I love to change it in various ways to tease her.
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I know the original, but the serious point is that that acid in apples erodes the protective enamel on teeth!
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There once was an apple fanatic
Who was feeling rather rheumatic
With an apple a day
The pain went away
Which shows it was psychosomatic!
(Unfortunately his teeth also ‘went away’!)
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