Best jokes

11 Likes

Sorry I don’t find that funny at all. :slightly_frowning_face:

1 Like

Oh deer, that will upset the snowflakes.

1 Like

I did! :grin:

1 Like

My granddad died yesterday, but he had a good innings.

Well, until the cricket ball hit him.

3 Likes

I cried.

Me too - classic! :joy::joy:

If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.

14 Likes

From a Canadian friend on FB.

10 Likes

Red wine and fish certainly don’t mix - in fact, mine died.

11 Likes

When I was younger it was free to pump your tyres up at the petrol station. Now it’s 50p.
…That’s the cost of inflation I guess.

13 Likes

I tried to convince my wife that black was very slimming on her, but she insisted I turn the light back on.

8 Likes

I’ve been secretly having an affair with a homeless woman…it’s got serious she’s asked me to move out with her

11 Likes

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I picked up a hitch hiker today.

Well you’ve got to
when you hit them.

3 Likes

My son has been learning all about Galileo at school this week, he already knows,that he is just a poor boy,from a poor family

6 Likes

I had a nightmare last night, BJ “became” the PM.

3 Likes

Dave’s 10 funniest jokes of the 2019 fringe

  1. I keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” and “Cauliflower”. I think I might have Florets. – Olaf Falafel

  2. Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy. – Richard Stott

  3. What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh. – Milton Jones

  4. A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, “Yes, of course. That’s 20 cows.” – Jake Lambert

  5. A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it. – Ross Smith

  6. Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning. – Ross Smith

  7. I accidentally booked myself on to an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it. – Adele Cliff

  8. After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. – Richard Pulsford

  9. To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian. – Mark Simmons

  10. I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts. – Ivo Graham

13 Likes

From Barkz on the other place …

2 Likes

Olaf Falafel who came up with the winning joke was quoted in the Guardian this morning.

“…like I’ve always said, jokes about white sugar are rare, jokes about brown sugar …demerara.”

10 Likes