Best jokes

It’s Andy Capp’s 65 anniversary - apparently!

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It doesn’t look right in colour…

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When I was (much) younger, I used to have a 6-pack.
I traded it in for a Party 7.

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I went to Kensington Palace to give Prince William a haircut for his birthday.

I said to the policeman, “Can you let me in to the car park, I’m here to cut Prince William’s hair?”

The policeman said “Have you got a permit?”

“No, just a bit off the back!”.

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The worlds gone mad.
How am I meant to correct this without cutting myself ?

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Replace the blade, the manufacturer has obviously cut the teeth on the wrong side of the blade!

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Just detach the handle, throw it away and put the correct one on.

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The manufacturer has clearly mixed up the British blades with the Australian ones.

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Apologies in advance … I blame the funny people in Ciren’.
BREAKING NEWS!

Engineers have just made a car that can run on parsley…
Now they’re hoping to make buses that run on thyme!

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2406-MATT-PORTAL-WEB-P1.png

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I’ve pinched this: “Every morning, I reach into my pocket for my earbuds, and shout “Belay yer haulin’ ya scabby scurvied lubber, an’ unfoul that carrick bend, or the bosun’s cat will find ya lashed ta the grate!”.”

Apologies to any nautical folk … but it amused me.

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Who calls a reef knot a square knot and why?

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Is it meant as a safety feature , so the blade is upwards facing and the can be made to downward face .

I think it pulls out, problem is it’s all in black. Like manufacturers (I’m looking at you Pioneer ) who use black on black

He knows that actually. They ship like that for safety & convenience, and it’s trivial to reverse the blade.

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A sign I noticed at the University of Surrey today. Apparently the English Department has some work to do.

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I get confused easily these days,