Think I may have already posted this elsewhere but seems fitting…
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The perfect crime was committed last night when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets.
Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on
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West Mercea Police anounced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.
Ronnie Corbett
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Watched this last night, worth watching for the bits about Tony Parsons and Ricky Gervais saying the unsayable which cracked me up to the point of tears
Stewart Lee Tornado follows this Sunday 11th
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A fly hit my windsreen this morning.
Do you know the last thing to go through its mind?
Its bum.
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Looking forward to part two at the weekend.
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What is the difference between a bull and the André Rieu Orchestra?
A Bull has horns at the front and an a***hole at the back.
( Posted before, but I like it.)
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An argumentative husband and wife are involved in a heated philosophical debate.
Wife - “So what is reincarnation then?”
Husband - “That’s where, after you die, you come back as something completely different”.
Wife - “Well, I like little piggies, so I’d like to come back as a Pig”.
Husband - “You ain’t listening to me are you?”
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I remember my mother in law watching their cat sleeping in front of the fire as usual and saying “when I die, I want to come back as that cat”. My father in law after a week working in London, and a long commute each day, replied immediately “when I die, I want to come back as you!”
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Elton John just bought his pet rabbit a treadmill.
It’s a little fit bunny.
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(Mitch Benn on Twitter)
Occurs to me that as of 6.30pm yesterday every QC in the country became a KC.
As such, their teams of clerks and assistants should now be redesignated “Sunshine Bands”.
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I have his CD and on my iPod, it makes me laugh whilst at the poolside
I think I remember Southgate has something to do with football and was famous for missing a penalty but the rest is a mystery. Except that we have a king now.
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