steve
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Not many people are called Lance these days.
But in medieval times, people were called Lance a lot.
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I hadn’t realised but Laurence Olivier was born in Dorking.
His birth is recorded in Parish records: To Gerrard and Agnes Olivier, a dear, dear boy.
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I have a suit of 15th century Spanish battle armour, with a pike, in my front hall and we’ve given him the name Lance.
It’s a good conversation starter, especially in Canada, as most of the suits of armour here are made recently.
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Not a joke as such, but a story from a 1970s newspaper cutting:
KITCHEN SINK STORY
Belgrade, July 19—A Belgrade plumber, Mr. Miodrag Jocic, who was called to attend to the sink in the home of a newly married couple, ended up in hospital with concussion and a broken leg.
The wife was out when Mr. Jocic arrived at the house. When she returned, she found a pair of legs sticking out from under the sink, and thought they belonged to her husband.
Exactly what she did next is not certain, but it caused the plumber to bang his head into the sink above him.
The ambulance arrived to take him to hospital and while he was being carried downstairs on a stretcher, one of the ambulance men asked him what happened. On being told, he was so convulsed with laughter that he dropped the stretcher and the plumber tumbled down the stairs and broke a leg.
He is in hospital now, threatening to sue. The husband says that the incident so upset his wife that she will have nothing to do with him.
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This time of the year I always get confused those gifts the three wise men gave baby Jesus were they Christmas or Birthday presents.
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9th Jan boy here. Always wondered the same 
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Surely they were Hanukkah presents.
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A few days behind you, and I can still remember the odd aunt and uncle who would pass you your Christmas present with the words, “We got you something a wee bit bigger for your Christmas and Birthday combined”, which, of course, was total bo**ox.
I always wanted to reply “So I’m not actually going to get a present on my birthday, then?”, but, of course, never did say that.
Still resent it to this day, and as one of my granddaughters has her birthday just two days before Christmas, I’m always on high alert for anyone trying to work the oracle, where she is concerned.
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Ah, I think I got over it a long time ago. Probably worth a separate thread but this plus missing the whole 21 coming of age moved to 18 thing, and then the retire at 65 with a gold watch, I feel aggrieved, aggrieved I tell ya. 
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My wife loves Christmas. Last year I asked her for a cheese plant.
I’m now the proud owner of the Limeswold Creamery.
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I think you should reveal the source of that joke
Genuine advert, seen just now:
I presume the solution is LUCK. Can’t think of anything else it could possibly be.
Mark
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Not a rugby fan then?
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Muck!
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Suck
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