Every one a winner!
Thanks for that. (I may steal them later.)
steve
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Reminds me of this, posted a while back.
(supposedly true)
A class of Primary School children were being shown round the local church by the Vicar. They came to the part of the church where they hang the old Military flags. One of the little boys asked the Vicar why did the Church have all the old flags. The Vicar explained they were to commemorate all those who had died in the Services.
After a few moments the boy asked “Are those the morning or the evening Services”
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My favourite Emo Phillips joke:
‘I was walking past some builders renovating a house and they told me I was paranoid - in Morse code!’
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“My geography teacher at secondary school was by and large”.
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A Brummie bloke walks into the Tailors and asks, “Alroit mate, I’d like to buy a 1970’s suit please.”
The Tailor replies, “Certainly Sir - and would you like a kipper tie ?”
The Brummie says, “Ta mate, two sugars please.” 
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Wow … lot of great lines there Paul, I’ll relay many of them (with the proper acknowledgement). Thanks for taking the time to post them.
Btw, does anyone remember Eric Sykes?
Dave
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I do remember Eric Sykes. His performance in ‘Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines’ alongside Terry Thomas may well have inspired Muttley in the Hannah Barbera cartoon with D1ck (I can’t even post it as a name!) Dastardly inspired by Terry Thomas. I watched it on blu-ray with my kids a few years back and it probably would come with a ‘likely to cause offence’ health warning today.
Sykes also had a TV series here and my favourite episode is when a vintage Bentley crashes through the front room.
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I must be remembering him from the TV series. I think it aired in Canada way back when. Although I thought I saw him on a TV special or two at the time as well.
I’ll have a look for Those Magnificent Men …
Anyway, funny guy.
Definitely a funny guy Dave, he was involved in so many comic sitcoms from the 60’s/70’s - writing and starring himself ro writing for others. The Plank is one that oft gets referenced.
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Noddy Holder tells that joke!
I’m remembering him in a sitcom with Hattie Jacques. I forget the name of it. What I do remember is that ES was profoundly deaf, so his comedy timing skills were astonishing.
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A lorry load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins.
It was a turtle disaster.’
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A lorry carrying snooker equipment crashed on our town bypass this afternoon. Traffic is still at a standstill. There are cues everywhere.
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