Met a thief who only knocks over specialist patisseries and even then is very choosy.
Just takes the biscuit.
6 Likes
I came across a crash involving a lorry carrying glue.
Got stuck in the traffic.
4 Likes
However, yesterday a lorry crashed with a cargo of Vicks.
No congestion at all.
9 Likes
Then I got knocked off my bike by a council spreader truck.
“B**tard!” I shouted through gritted teeth.
10 Likes
My mate just suggested I register for a donor card.
There’s a man after my own heart.
10 Likes
My wife and I were stuck in traffic. She said, “I’m turning round.”
“I can see that,” I replied. “Try eating less chocolate.”
12 Likes
Was in a hotel last week and when I opened the mini bar i was amazed it could tell me the future. Like what a can of Coke will cost 15 years from now.
13 Likes
And caused when they were attacked by a ninja.
3 Likes
Sown in the South Pacific two cargo shops were rounding a small uninhabited atoll in opposite directions, one carrying blue paint the other carrying red paint. As a result of the collision both ships sank spilling their cargoes into the sea. Both crews are reported to have been marooned.
12 Likes
Talking Pictures TV has been repeating Rhubarb, Eric Sykes and Harry Secombe, it’s up there with The Plank.
2 Likes
In the spirit of Eric, I had dinner with a chess champion last night. I knew he was a chess champion, he took 20 minutes to pass the salt.
5 Likes
Hi Paul.
My father would find Eric’s shows on the tele in Canada, more in the 60s, I think. I was maybe 12-13 yo then.
I still remember one a line in one of the shows. It in the morning after a long pub night and he said, “Gawd, me eyes feel like two p*ss holes in the snow.”
Quite an original line, I thought.
We also used to sit around the console record player listening to The Two Ronnies. Also, funny guys …
3 Likes
Is this currently availale on Brit Box? I’ll have a look in the morning.
I’ll also see if The Plank is available, as per Paul.
1 Like
Jamie’s Christmas Turkey
“So I’ve taken this gorgeous turkey out the oven and I’m going to cover it with tin foil, a clean dishcloth and let it rest for two hours.
Giving me plenty of time to take the Mrs upstairs for a bit of How’s your father, hanky panky”
2 Likes
Two elephants are walking along a trail when one of them sees a tortoise. He stamps on the tortoise over and over.
Elephant 2: “Why did you do that???”
Elephant 1: “Fifty years ago I was walking along this trail, and that very tortoise nipped me for no reason and left me with a nasty infection.”
Elephant 2: “Wow, you have an amazing memory!”
Elephant 1: “Yeah, turtle recall.”
4 Likes
5 Likes
@david1111
Hi
There is an online version of a British tv channel called Talking Pictures TV
Google TPTV Encore it might work elsewhere it’s a data base of free to watch movies and programmes and the Plank was there last time I looked.
1 Like
