That’s perhaps a little too close to reality! Here’s the Valentine’s card I gave to Mrs R:
I then gave her my son’s season ticket (he’s going abroad for a year). She paused for a moment then said: “At least you don’t support Man United!”
I’m not accusing my wife of trying to pick a fight, but she put “toothpaste” on my shopping list, without going into any details and we all know how this story ends.
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, he finds an ad for “Bear Removers.”
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
“What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.
“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage at the back of the van.”
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.
“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”
No politics on the forum please. Thanks.
I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye
I sued the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
Break-in at the Apple store. Police are looking for iWitnesses
I have a fear of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex.
I wish I had enough money to discover that it didn’t make me happy.
Hello darkness, my old friend
Darkness: I’m not lending you any money…
Jonathon Ross was arrested this morning for stealing kitchen utensils.
He said it was a whisk worth taking.
Top Drawer.
