Best jokes

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Big prize for who comes first.

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Too far away not very handy. :flushed:

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Come on you’re pulling my ***

When I have a headache I take two Aspirin and keep away from children, just as it says on the bottle.

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As I get older I find it harder to remember things. Also I find it harder to remember things.

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If you want some rain we should do a house swap. Here in Cumbria we have far too much!!

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A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you.”
“Oh, that’s no problem,” said the man. “If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour.”
“Show me,” said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, but I don’t think we could employ someone who’d be womanizing all over the country.”
“Excuse me!” exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!”
“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?” asked the interviewer.
The man replied, “Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?”

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If you don’t remember her name in the morning, then take her to Starbucks

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Man, I could have used that advice a few times, a long while back. :smile:

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My wife is so paranoid that she can’t have an orgasm unless the door is locked. I’m like Come on! Let me in!

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Oh don’t worry, he’s just my pet tarantula.

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Nope.

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