Best jokes

A vert funny novel about God and Jesus and Satan:

https://smile.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00BFVCK2Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o09?ie=UTF8&psc=1

“HELL” EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
    Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
    breaks loose.

  2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
    Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

20 Likes

8 Likes

3248FED2-3F51-434E-B1DC-B53F05163E8E-2115-000002116213BAE1

Great to see Mary on keyboards and Joseph on vocals for this years Christmas stamps again.

12 Likes

I’m not entirely sure she would approve of her name adorning the side of a diesel powered vehicle that makes it easier for more prople to keep on driving more vehicles!

3 Likes

You can easily find that same cartoon with google if you want to.

Best

David

1 Like

3 Likes

8 Likes

5 Likes

Why did a man from Barnsley call his dog, Grieg?

Because (adopts South Yorks accent) ‘when it came into t’ room, all it would do was pee agin’t suite’.

Source: Ken Bruce of old

8 Likes

Apologies to all vegans out there …
As seen by a friend in Co. Sligo recently.

8 Likes

All the steaks I’ve ever had were from vegan cows.

6 Likes

Another Bon mot from FB. On the menu for another day this festive season.
image

11 Likes

steve

28 Likes

|There has been too much PC crap in the U.K. lately. Hopefully this might now start to change."

I hope by that you not advocating a return to the casual offensiveness/ignorance of the likes of the Black & White Minstrel show, mother-in-law ‘jokes’ and alleged comedies such as Love Thy Neighbour or, even worse, Curry & Chips.

It’s bad enough that Roy 'Chubby" F****** Brown and Jim Davison are still performing without going back to the attitudes of 1960s and 1970s.

This is dawning of the second decade of the 21st century, I would have hoped civilisation had moved on.

steve

11 Likes

Agreed there’s nothing funny about my mother in law.:grin:

14 Likes

It’s the dawning of the third decade actually.

4 Likes

Not for another year. Decades end on a “0” just like counting to 10. And yes, I know there are those who say they count from 0 to 9.

3 Likes

I haven’t got a 0 finger…

2 Likes

So the year 2000 was in the last century and the world celebrated the Millenium a year early?