Danny sets up Andy to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his.
But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before. “What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andy, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry.” Danny says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Andy knocks at Shirley’s door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
Andy’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”
Happened to me that!
I just don’t understand women. If a woman won’t sleep with me, won’t text me back, or even add me on social media - should I divorce her?
One day when I was chillin’ in Kentucky Fried Chicken
Just mindin’ my business, eatin’ food and finger lickin’
This dude walked in lookin’ strange and kind of funny
Went up to the front with a menu and his money
He didn’t walk straight, kind of side to side
He asked this old lady, “Yo, yo, um… is this Kentucky Fried?”
A man and his wife were having some problems and giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week, the man realised he’d need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and he’d missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.
Quick question, my other joke was “off limits” ?
As the Best Jokes is a bit of a minefield to moderate, policy is that if any joke causes any member offence (members can flag posts) then it’s fairly likely to be removed. Of course, notwithstanding that, regular forum rules always apply re. politics, racism, sexism etc…
Snow White thought that 7Up was a soft drink until she discovered Smirnoff!
(With apologies to those Members who are lucky enough to be too young to remember that old Smirnoff advertising campaign from the 1970s or 1980s.)
Statistics show that six out of seven dwarfs are not happy.
Indeed, one in seven is actually grumpy.
Post Office and Royal Mail management training video unearthed.
My favourite one of those adverts. Mainly because at the time I was working as an analyst/programmer for Geac Computers Ltd., who developed and supplied library automation software and hardware to academic and public libraries.
That is brilliant!
I’ve just been notified that I have failed my written RAF entry exam.
It seems that the bomb bay doors are not an Indian tribute band, after all. 