A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies—two in the front seat and three in the back—eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. “No, sir. I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police Officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the Officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.”
I was packing for my business trip and my 3-year old
daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At
one point she said,”Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two
of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her
tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your
fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the
room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed
staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
Saw a local council worker deliberately stamp on a slug this morning!
I said what did you do that for?
He said “it’s been following me around for 3 weeks!
