My wife asked me why I’m so quiet around the house now.
I said, “I’m afraid someone’s listening.”
She just laughed.
So I laughed.
Siri laughed.
Alexa laughed.
Nice 
I remember that…One of the Beebs finest April 1sts
Very, very cool …
Love the ‘Squirrel Matador’ Olé!
G
For fifty years I had been wary of introducing the world to my version:
“Congratulations Mrs Broccoli - your son is a vegetable”
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude–hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midgetQantas has had accidents, but no fatal accidents involving jet aircraft.
Still a staggeringly good record though.
.
Incidently a lot of those quotes are normally attributed to USAF personnel.
Yes, jokes are often not factual, funny that. 
Sorry,
We’ve been having serious problems with dissociation (DP/DR) today.
Apologies if this offended you.
No offence taken. Sorry to hear of your problems, hope things improve soon.