Best jokes

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Which one is yours ?

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My wife asked me why I’m so quiet around the house now.
I said, “I’m afraid someone’s listening.”
She just laughed.
So I laughed.
Siri laughed.
Alexa laughed.

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Working from home.

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Nice :slightly_smiling_face:

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I remember that…One of the Beebs finest April 1sts

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Very, very cool …

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image

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Love the ‘Squirrel Matador’ Olé!

G

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image

For fifty years I had been wary of introducing the world to my version:

“Congratulations Mrs Broccoli - your son is a vegetable”

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Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude–hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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Qantas has had accidents, but no fatal accidents involving jet aircraft.

Still a staggeringly good record though.
.

Incidently a lot of those quotes are normally attributed to USAF personnel.

Yes, jokes are often not factual, funny that. :thinking:

Sorry,
We’ve been having serious problems with dissociation (DP/DR) today.
Apologies if this offended you.

No offence taken. Sorry to hear of your problems, hope things improve soon.

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