I always make sure I say “mucho” when around Spanish-speaking friends.
Why?
Because it means a lot to them.
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Problem is, by the time you see the sign, he’ll have already issued the ticket 
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My pals ex just left her and took his Bob Marley cd & Sky Box with him. But before he left he was going around the house singing “No Woman No Sky”.
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Interesting fact. Was in a band with Wonder Woman.
Not necessarily funny, but true!
You’re making things too complicated.
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Borrowed from Alan Bennett.
Yorkshire chap pops into the stone mason to request a graveside monument.
“The community has chipped in for a suitable bit of masonry for our most devoted sister. We’d like it to read, ‘Dedicated to Edna Butterworth, she were thine’.”
“Fair enough, come back next Tuesday” says the craftsman.
Chap returns as suggested and, when the work is unveiled, is surprised to read ‘Dedicated to Edna Butterworth, she were thin’
“Ey up,” he exclaims “There’s no ‘e’, you’ve missed out the ‘e’! That’s just not right. Everyone from these parts will be very disappointed while there’s no ‘e’.”
“Ah, reet, well nee bother, come back on Thursday and I’ll make it right for you with a suitable ‘e’.”
In great anticipation, he returns a couple of days later to read:
‘Dedicated to Edna Butterworth, e she were thin’.
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Seems that there’s been another hold up to the opening of the Coop Arena. They’ve booked the La’s by mistake! Seems the organisers don’t know their La’s from their Elbow.
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Have you noticed how all the aerials and telescopes looking for intelligent life are pointing away from the earth?
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And they only use Cat3 network cables as they’re more open to alien crosstalk.
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Goodness - I hope they are not really cross
Stickin‘ out! 
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Becoming King in the North must be a very popular ambition over there.
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steve
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Brilliant.
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Just a brief reminder that April is Procrastination Awareness Month.
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