Best jokes


What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?




Put all my Dogging videos and material on eBay
No bids yet but 14 watching.


I’ve just been to see the new Liam Neeson film.

It’s called ‘‘Taken: Out Of Context’’


There is a march in London today to legalise cannabis. The turnout is expected to be high.


While out riding my bicycle today i got splattered by a wagon spreading salt,

“You b4stard!” i shouted through gritted teeth.


I have a Slovak friend who’s a sound technician.

And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.


Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?


HOW do you make a fruit punch?

Give it boxing lessons.


They say dogs are a mans best friend, don’t believe a word of it, a cat will never show the police where your drugs are hidden!



“Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better… or worse? Better… or worse?”


I went out for a curry last night and the waiter persuaded me to try their new Pelican Balti.

It was actually quite good, but I got a bit of a shock when I saw the size of the bill!


My lobster and crayfish impersonations are so good that I’m thinking of branching out into crabs, though that’s really a sideways move.



I’ll admit to nicking this one.




Another from the FB Tim Vine Joke Appreciation Group


Is that his legendary sucker punch?


There was a young barmaid from Sale
Who’s tattoos on her chest priced the ale
And on her behind
Just for the blind
Were the prices again but in braille