Best jokes


#126

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

“Halloumi”

G


#127

Put all my Dogging videos and material on eBay
No bids yet but 14 watching.


#128

I’ve just been to see the new Liam Neeson film.

It’s called ‘‘Taken: Out Of Context’’


#129

There is a march in London today to legalise cannabis. The turnout is expected to be high.


#130

While out riding my bicycle today i got splattered by a wagon spreading salt,

“You b4stard!” i shouted through gritted teeth.


#131

I have a Slovak friend who’s a sound technician.

And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.


#132

Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?


#133

HOW do you make a fruit punch?

Give it boxing lessons.


#135

They say dogs are a mans best friend, don’t believe a word of it, a cat will never show the police where your drugs are hidden!


#136


#137

“Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better… or worse? Better… or worse?”


#138

I went out for a curry last night and the waiter persuaded me to try their new Pelican Balti.

It was actually quite good, but I got a bit of a shock when I saw the size of the bill!


#139

My lobster and crayfish impersonations are so good that I’m thinking of branching out into crabs, though that’s really a sideways move.


#140


#141

I’ll admit to nicking this one.


#142

Mr%20President


#143

Another from the FB Tim Vine Joke Appreciation Group


#144

Is that his legendary sucker punch?


#145

There was a young barmaid from Sale
Who’s tattoos on her chest priced the ale
And on her behind
Just for the blind
Were the prices again but in braille


#146