Did you ever see an emoji from behind ?
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An elderly man living alone in London wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over… I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad x
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, the murder squad and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you x
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Genuine news story: Shiloh Pitt seeks to change her name:
I can only assume someone’s just explained to her how spoonerisms work.
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Aren’t they, like, similes?
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I saw what you, like, did there. And yes, pretty much.
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Haha, this reminds me of the Ood from Dr Who.
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Looks like they’ve all got a Tardis. 
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Years ago I knew a household that was arguing over toilet not being flushed - and no toilet paper being used - it got quite heated at times…
…then one of them saw the cat sitting on the seat and pooping away.
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Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer are on a plane,
Sunak looked at Starmer, chuckled and said, “You know, I could throw £1,000 out of the window right now and make somebody happy.”
Starmer shrugged his shoulders and replied, “I could throw twenty £50 notes out of the window and make twenty people happy”.
Hearing their exchange, the pilot said to his co-pilot, I could throw both of them out of the window and make 64 million people very, very happy!"
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A friend used to vet unsolicited novels. My favourite line was -
“In the car park were cars of various makes.”
Although we were both haunted by -
“And he wept, this big man.”
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I always enjoyed “Dawn slowly crept over the golf course as she looked for her car keys which she had lost the previous evening “
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Begs the question who Dawn Slowly is an why she is creeping over the golf course.
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