Best jokes

[TOBYJUG]

Just of to fix Cat Steven’s caravan.

Awnings has broken.

[TOBYJUG]

Ego and Super Ego walk into a bar.

Barman. “I would like to see some ID”

[bhoyo]

Your memory is better than mine (but that’s a low bar)!

[Isca_Dumnoniorum]

[Eoink]

There is also someone with that surname who makes alternate PSUs for hifi.

[TOBYJUG]

I dropped a tenner out of my pocket and ended up chasing it down the hill.

It was quite windy and I didn’t get it, still I got a good run for my money.

[TOBYJUG]

A fraudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

[steviebee]

‘Fraudian’…nice!

[Ian2001]

@Xanthe

There’s only one thing good about getting older: it’s better than the alternative.
( )

true, very true

[Ian2001]

I am sure this has been round before …

[Corry]

In the early days of the web hackers would enter JavaScript code into comment forms in various fora, the idea being that the code would then run in any browser that viewed their comment. Among the countermeasures was a naive search and replace that attempted to neutralise “eval”, a JavaScript function that has many malicious uses, by changing it to “review.” This caused instances of “mediaeval” or “medieval” to be changed to “mediareview” / “medireview.” My favourite example is a naughty word filter that changes “assassinate” to “buttbuttinate.”

All of these errors are easy to avoid just by paying attention to word boundaries, something most programming languages can handle without much difficulty.

[dave-marshall]

[badger1954]

Just stumbled across a news item that claims the average penis size has grown by 10% in two years.

Mine seems about the same size its always been. Should I be worried?

[Skeptikal]

@badger1954

Just stumbled across a news item that claims the average penis size has grown by 10% in two years.

Should be much faster.

[Tonedeaf]

[Canaryfan]

& I’m sure George would have preferred it if the following days apology hadn’t been printed…

[Ian2001]

quite so, though I’m not sure Mrs George would have appreciated it

[GraemeH]

@Corry

In the early days of the web hackers would enter JavaScript code into comment forms in various fora, the idea being that the code would then run in any browser that viewed their comment. Among the countermeasures was a naive search and replace that attempted to neutralise “eval”, a JavaScript function that has many malicious uses, by changing it to “review.” This caused instances of “mediaeval” or “medieval” to be changed to “mediareview” / “medireview.” My favourite example is a naughty word filter that changes “assassinate” to “buttbuttinate.”

All of these errors are easy to avoid just by paying attention to word boundaries, something most programming languages can handle without much difficulty.

My son, aged circa 14 at the time, managed to change any mention of ‘Clouds’ to ‘Butts’ on our home PC. Fast forward 10 years and I had completely forgotten about this. I got in touch with my employers IT Security people to say we must have been hacked as I was being asked to transfer all my files from ‘H Drive’ to ‘MyButt’.

Embarrassing doesn’t cover it.

G

[Xanthe]

So here’s to the family Stein,
There’s Gert and there’s Ep and there’s Ein
Gert’s poems are bunk,
Ep’s statues are junk,
And nobody understands Ein.

[Canaryfan]

Looking for photos for the ‘Show Us Your Classic Ford Cars’ thread, I came across this, which I sent to my dad just before he had a hip replacement 28 years ago. Mum always said that he laughed so much she thought he was going to put his other hip out!