To whom was that addressed…
You or her?
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A plane carries 400 passengers, but only 200 meals were loaded onto the flight from Auckland to Singapore. This was only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals.
So, the airline had screwed up, and the crew was in a bind. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea.
A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, “Ladies and gentleman; we don’t know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight!”
Her next announcement came six hours later: “Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 180 dinners available.”
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Hmm, anatomical error: we can’t do that.
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Breasts float though, you might not need this solution.
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Solutions are easy. Superglue and a funnel 
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You reckon they’ll work as floatation devices (in addition to being flirtation devices)?
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FYI…
Look up ‘Shewee’.
You’ll need a foreskindiver to pick up the pieces 
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Not sure that something as big as a great white (or any shark) would cause problems, I’m fairly confident that it wouldn’t be able to get its teeth that close to something so small.
Now a Minnow…
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A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew showed up and began building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s five-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings on and spent much of each day watching the workers.
Eventually, the construction crew, all of them “diamonds in the rough”, so to speak, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They would chat with her during their lunch and coffee breaks and even gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took it home to her mother who suggested she open a savings account with her week’s “pay”.
When the little girl and her mom went to the bank, the teller was quite impressed and asked the little girl how she came by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with a REAL construction crew building the new house next door to mine!”
“Oh my goodness gracious!” the teller exclaimed. “Will you be working with them again this week, too?”
The little girl replied, “I will, if those bludgers at “Bunnings” ever deliver the f—-ing gib board
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I’m thinking of selling a fragrance for introverts.
I’m going to call it Leave Me The Fuh Cologne
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And this is exactly why I am refusing the hormone therapy and am keeping both testosterone and tumor…
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Sorry, perhaps I shouldn’t have posted this in the Best Jokes, I’m serious - and ironic at the same time…
Oh well, that’s what I meant. Hopefully I didn’t hurt anyone (again).
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Autopsy club night this Saturday!! OPEN MIKE NIGHT!
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Feeling a bit paranoid? Remember, you are not alone!
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Maybe broccoli doesn’t like you, either.
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Some people are such treasures, you just want to bury them.
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