We don’t want Benidorm. Let the winner have it.
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A man asked his wife what she would do if he won the lottery. She said “I would take half and leave you”
“Great!” he said, “I won £12 - here’s £6.00 - stay in touch”
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Why don’t they call till receipts buyographies? And if you use the self-checkout, they could be called autobuyographies.
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From Mark Steel’s in Town on BBC R4:
“Stoke, the only town in Britain where a vase is worth more than a house.”
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Mrs Plane and I saw him when he came to Selby for that town’s show. Absolutely brilliant and hilarious.
steve
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Reminds me of the old classic round my way.
What have Nuneaton and Las Vegas got in common?
They are the only places you can use chips to pay for sex!
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A rather ‘frustrated’ woman went to the supermarket to try to take her mind off her overly erotic thoughts.
As she moved through the aisles she saw bananas and apples and so many things that made her recall rather than forget her erotic mood.
She ended up buying far more than she needed.
When she arrived at the checkout there was a young man packing bags. As he packed her bags is muscles gleamed under the fluorescent lights and she could make out the contours of his fit body under his tight T-shirt and trousers.
She could hardly control herself.
After she paid she asked the young man if he could help her to her car with her many heavy bags of groceries.
The young man willingly obliged.
As they walked through the carpark the lady finally lost control. She placed her hand on the young man’s bum and said “I have an itchy pussy”.
To which the young man replied “You’ll have to show me where it is ’cause all these Japanese cars look the same to me”.
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King Charles to cancel trip to the USA…
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Should emotional baggage actually be a griefcase?
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From an article about the benefits of cold showers and cold water swimming -
" There’s anecdotal evidence from cold water swimmers that it dramatically improves their mood and wellbeing, says Prof Tipton. “I work with the Bluetits (an outdoor swimming group in Pembrokeshire)"
Of course they are! You could not make it up.
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