You leave out Texas Killer Lee at your peril!
6 Likes
A few from the fringe this year…
Olaf Falafel: My desire to spontaneously sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away.
Jack Skipper: I failed RE. Couldn’t believe it when I found out. I was like: “Oh Jason Christ!”
Zoë Coomb Marr: My girlfriend told me she’s never seen the film Gaslight. I told her: “Yeah you have … we watched it together.”
Eleanor Morton: How do you know that Edinburgh is the most haunted city in the UK? You measure it with a spirit level.
Amy Mason: Irecently read 10% of sheep are gay – turns out there’s nowt so queer as flock.
Raul Kohli: My aunty is Indian, German and a terrible human being. She’s the curry wurst.
Louise Atkinson: I call myself the Yorkshire Shakira; her hips don’t lie, and mine don’t faff about.
Abby Wambaugh: Cabinets: what are they hiding? Tables: are they really furniture – or just more floor on stilts?
Demi Adejuyigbe: don’t like when a casino says: “House rules.” It got a little boring for me in the last season.
Chris Turner: The Romans invented Vaseline. Or was it Ancient Grease?
7 Likes
And the same goes for Old Bad Boy Lee … … … we will track you down, and then … … …
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Hope they weren’t claiming originality…!
I did feel that one was familiar but could not recollect where from.
Thank you very much! Mrs Pretty Bones McGee is happy as well…! 
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I start rather badly…
Curly Black
Then just about redeem myself with
Washington.
3 Likes
steve
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Steve you risk being nicknamed ‘Stiff’
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I reckon that’s the latest Banksy.
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The next Airbag album cover?
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That there is some disgraceful bearhaviour!
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Are they Steiff bears or Stiff bears. 
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A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him, that’s the last thing I need.
The neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.
100 years ago, everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses. Oh, how the stables have turned.
My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, “There’s something I must confess.”
“Shhh” I said “There’s nothing to confess. Everything is alright.”
“No, I must die in peace” he said, “I had sex with your sister, your best friend and your coworker.”
“I know” I whispered, “That’s why I poisoned you… Now close your eyes.”
24 Likes
The last one reminded me of this.
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Why Per capita? Shouldn’t it be pro capite (for each head)?
Jailhouse McGee
1 Like
This made me laugh
1 Like
