Best jokes

I’m so annoyed. I went to the front door only wearing my pants for an Amazon delivery, like I’ve done a hundred times before, but now they say I can’t work for them anymore.

9 Likes

Tony - just switch to their drone delivery service, where you can fly (remotely) by the seat of your pants or, worse, nothing at all :helicopter:

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So your copy of Viz arrived this week too, Kev?

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Indeed. Too good not to share!

“Having had previous performances ruined by gratuitous stride piano, I can now perform my songs in peace… Thanks Carrack’s!”

Mrs Cardi B, Essex

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I said to my dentist, “Do you have something that will make my teeth whiter?”

He said, “Try polish.”

I said, “Masz coś, co sprawi, że moje zęby będą bielsze?”

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image

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I like this from FB Tim Vine Joke group
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Lovejoy Division

BPYnN9cCAAI7oGG

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Thanks again to the Tiger Lilies … could also be on the Cod Philosophy thread?

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I remember when plastic surgury was a taboo subject. Today if you mention ‘Botox’ no one raises an eyebrow.

steve

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An old man was driving down the motorway when his mobile phone rang. It was his wife.

“Wilfred, I thought I should warn you, i just heard a news flash to say there was an idiot going the wrong way down the motorway you are on.”

“One?” he said. “There’s hundreds of them!!”

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One for doggy lovers out there.

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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart

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My three favourite things are eating myself and not using commas.

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A musical offering from Garry Larson’s the far side …

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