I’m so annoyed. I went to the front door only wearing my pants for an Amazon delivery, like I’ve done a hundred times before, but now they say I can’t work for them anymore.
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Tony - just switch to their drone delivery service, where you can fly (remotely) by the seat of your pants or, worse, nothing at all 
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So your copy of Viz arrived this week too, Kev?
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Indeed. Too good not to share!
“Having had previous performances ruined by gratuitous stride piano, I can now perform my songs in peace… Thanks Carrack’s!”
Mrs Cardi B, Essex
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I said to my dentist, “Do you have something that will make my teeth whiter?”
He said, “Try polish.”
I said, “Masz coś, co sprawi, że moje zęby będą bielsze?”
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I like this from FB Tim Vine Joke group
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Lovejoy Division
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I remember when plastic surgury was a taboo subject. Today if you mention ‘Botox’ no one raises an eyebrow.
steve
22 Likes
An old man was driving down the motorway when his mobile phone rang. It was his wife.
“Wilfred, I thought I should warn you, i just heard a news flash to say there was an idiot going the wrong way down the motorway you are on.”
“One?” he said. “There’s hundreds of them!!”
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart
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My three favourite things are eating myself and not using commas.
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