Should post that one in here. 
I know you are supposed to exercise, and I did try jogging once, but it made the wine jump right out of the glass.
Found this whilst out walking this morning, so if anyone has lost an elastic band, please get in touch.
Did you make that up all on your own or did you get your wife to help you?
Found it elsewhere 
Spelling rules.
I before E
Except when your foreign neighbour Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.
Cut open an avocado. Yet another wooden ball. Would it hurt the makers of avocados to put in a different toy once in a while?
Did you know? By replacing potato crisps with grapefruit as a snack you can lose up to 90% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
Never believe what an American sandwich tries to tell you.
It’s always full of baloney.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Friends of Brian Giddins, lifelong steam railway enthusiast gathered to mark his passing earlier today.
Unfortunately Brian was run over by a class 4-6-0 engine on the nearby historic railway. ‘It’s how Brian would have wanted to go’, said his best friend Derek, ‘In fact he was chuffed to bits’.
That would be something that I could use when I sneeze.